Friday, July 29, 2005

Do I Look Like a Slut?

Well, I haven't posted anything in a while so since I'm just sitting here doing nothing I figured I would take the opportunity to post a few interesting things I found while tooling around on the web. I also feel obligated to let you all know that the Coldplay show on Thrusday was absolutely fantastic, even though my throat is killing me and I have a strong suspicion that I am getting progressively worse as time goes on. Anyway, on with all the useless links I have found while scouring the web for your viewing pleasure.

Avenue D is a pop duo who have some interesting songs such as "Do I Look Like a Slut?", "Orgasmatron" and the classic "2 Drunk 2 Fuck"

Make a lethal laser pointed pencil gun next time you're bored!

Any movie that has the title of "Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life" must be Oscar worthy material, but you can decide for yourself after you read this review

And finally, a Coldplay X&Y album art generator. Now you can make your very own coded messages just like the one Coldplay employs on their new album!

Monday, July 25, 2005

I wish they made Novacaine for the soul...

This weekend has been nothing short of an amazing descent into the dark world of decadence and selfishness and I absolutely loved every single minute of it. I'm not apologizing for anything or to anyone. I had a fucking blast. I've been screwing around with webshots so I can post up the pictures I took but they're not sending me my "confirmation e-mail" so unfortunately I can't log in so I can upload them. Once I get it up and running I'll make sure to post the link so you all can check them out. Anyway, just a quick post today as I am hopefully going to go see The Devil's Rejects tonight. So I am going to leave you with a few interesting little articles and such.

Congrats to Frankie Muniz although I absolutely loathe him.

Even prehistoric people were perverts.

Not sure how I particularly feel about this.

And this picture just creeps me out for some reason.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Here is an interesting little picture of Matt LeBlanc, better known as Joey on television's Friends. And yes, he is peeing. I suppose you can't blame him, I mean he's only human right? What I don't understand is the fact that he seems to be the owner of the gayest fucking dog in America. I never really thought of Matt as the manliest of men but come on. What the fuck is that thing? A sewer rat? Another thing that bothers me is the fact that when you're as insanely rich as Matt LeBlanc there's really no reason for you to be peeing in public. If I had that kind of money I would just hire a little servant midget to follow me around with a toilet at all times. Now that I think about it, I'd probably buy a little helper monkey like the one in that episode of The Simpsons. Then I would dress him up like a pirate and give him a little sword so he could run around and stab people.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

There's lots of different paths to the waterfall...

So it was a rather uneventful weekend. Nothing really happened, at least nothing interesting enough to merit a post. I did however see Wedding Crashers which was surprisingly funny. I have to admit I wasn't too impressed with the previews that I had seen and I thought it was going to be another let down like Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Vince Vaughn's performance in Wedding Crashers is more than worth the price of admission. He has totally redeemed himself since his disappointingly un-funny role in Dodgeball. To make a long story short, go see it, I promise you won't be disappointed. Since we're on the subject of Wedding Crashers I have to point out this disturbing/interesting little article I found about co-star Owen Wilson.
It's probably one of the weirdest things I've ever heard anyone say and personally I'm not even really sure what he's talking about.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

But the world just isn't as interesting when you're sober...

So a few of my friends and I are out last night, getting a bite to eat and having a few drinks when my buddy Dan starts to tell us how his boss told him that he had received five (5) complaints about him from his fellow co-workers. Apparently their complaints all stemmed from the fact that Dan was showing up to work inebriated everyday. He went on to tell us that he thinks that this happened because he fell off of a ladder last week (he paints) and brought a whole bunch of paint down along with him. And he also fell off a step stool and spilled paint all over himself. As hilarious as this all is the best part is when he pulled out the letter his boss had written that was attached to his paycheck. So with great pleasure I present to you the infamous "Dear Dan" letter.
I have received 5 complaints about you from people at the paint store as well as Oscar. All complaints boil down to your partying. If you would like to discuss this with me, I will describe each complaint to you and who said them. Each person didn't want to talk about not using you as an employee, but they were generally concerned for your well being. I observed the same type of behavior with you and it ended abruptly when you totaled your Mercedes. I would not bother writing this letter to you unless I genuinely cared about you. You know you have been fucking up a little lately and I see you have gotten it together a little. You must from here on out, show up to work on time and in good shape. You are not on my workers comp so remember, if you ever get hurt on my jobsite you must say its your 1st day working for me. If you say this I can then put you on payroll and get all medical expenses taken care of. Also you would receive a paycheck for the time you miss from being hurt from workers comp. In summation, I don't want to hear from anyone that you seemed out of it or on drugs from anyone again. If it happens again you will force me to do something very difficult. If you were not my boy things would be different. I know you are a great worker and really want you to stay.

Sincerely, Dan's Boss
And to top it all off for today here is an interesting little article that details the 40 (technically 39) things that can only happen in the faux-reality of the movies.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I am the Warrior...

I find that those silly seizure-inducing ipod commercials that feature "hip" new tracks from some of today's biggest musical superstars while the silhouettes of young hipsters twist and contort their bodies into positions previously unknown to man against a backdrop of ever changing colors familiar to those present in a roll of Lifesavers to be particularly annoying. I was, however extremely amused when I saw this on a recent episode of Fox's Family Guy. I have to admit, Seth MacFarlane is one creative dude and Stewie is one of my all-time favorite television characters, animated or otherwise. Have fun with this one (and make sure the volume is up).

Monday, July 11, 2005

Rap Snacks?

This is one of the most disturbing (and yet strangely hilarious) things I have ever come across on the internet. It has to be one of the most shameless American marketing schemes I have ever had the displeasure of seeing. This is capitalism at it's worst folks. Be prepared to be shocked and apalled. Imagine you're at your local 7-11. You're casually browsing through the plentiful snacks that they have available. You're not exactly sure what you're craving, but you'll know it once you see it. You pass by the Milky Ways and all their creamy caramel goodness. You press on forward past the sugary explosion that is Fun-Dip. You manuever into the chip aisle ignoring the omnious stares of the creepy mustachioed caricatures plastered on the dozens of Pringles cans until finally, you see Master P, staring at you with his platinum grill from a bag of chips. Yes thats right a bag of chips. Rap Snacks are crappy, unhealthy garbage that hopefully the white suburban children will be dumb enough to buy. These things have to be the stupidest thing I've ever seen. Just take a look at the flavors. Platinum Bar-B-Que? Southern Crunk Bar-B-Que? Red Hot Ripplets? Honey Dew Cheese Curls? Hot Cheezie Popcorn? Slasa Cheese? (And my personal favorite) The ever mysterious Back At The Ranch. What on Earth can these things possibly taste like? Do these "flavors" actually sound appetizing to anyone? If you thought that was bad just wait until you see all of the hip hop stars that have come out to endorse this ridiculous product. Now granted I'm not a rap fan so please correct me if I'm wrong, but has anyone ever heard of "Pastor Troy"? Or "Pretty Willie"? How about "Ms. Toy"? "Magic" anyone? You really have to see this site for yourself in order to fully appreciate it's inate silliness.
And just in case any of you wanted to purchase any of these delicious products

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Live 8 Video Downloads

Here's a link to a website that is hosting downloads of the AOL video clips from the Live 8 concert series last week. I recommend taking a look at Coldplay performing Bittersweet Symphony with Richard Ashcroft.
Don't be lazy, show your support. It takes about six seconds (literally)

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

London? Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON.

Any of you who happen to be fans of movies like Snatch, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Layer Cake, or any other British gangster movie you probably find yourself asking, "what in the world does that mean?" or "what the hell did he just say?" If not you're either lying or you're British. Anyway just thought I'd share a couple of interesting articles that explain some of the more confusing slang that are employed in these films and ones like them.
The Origins & Common Usage of British Swear Words
Cockney Rhyming Slang